Responsibility

Is being responsible a good or a bad thing? Or is it neither but our reaction to it what is important? I am talking about responsible as a adjective meaning accountable and not necessarily reliable.

My responsible dilemma: sometimes it is perceived that I was the one who got Arusha Cycling Club going ten years ago. Even though I am not a office bearer some of the decisions come to me, my financial support is depended upon, and I am sometimes the link between the old rich guys in the club and the young racers who are developing into middle class.

In short, I am partly responsible for the club. It won't fall apart without me, but my leaving would do some damage. Similarly I have hard time when it is known to me that the young guys need help with a new chain or cassette and I have the spare or I have the ability to buy it and that troubles my soul.

And now, just before the big Mwanza Race we have tensions between the hot shots. It probably started with a money issue, but the fact that in the Mwanza Race first prize is $1000 is an issue. So two distinct teams are going to this race from our club. I feel responsible for mending the break.

I want to run away from it all. I want to get on my mtn bike and ride all day and not have to worry about my fellow cyclists' bicycle maintenance.

On the other hand it is a fantastic feeling to ride with a club as a group. Recently I just about stayed up with the front pack up a hill. Hamisi, a hotshot rider, dropped back, waited for me, and then effortlessly "pulled" me up to the pack. That is a great feeling.